So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
