If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
