If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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