So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
