I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
