somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
