he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
