i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
