I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
