That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
