R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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