ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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