It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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