Dual....:-)
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
