You're my little dorito
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
