It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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