I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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