My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
