Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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