Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
