Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
