I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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