Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
