Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
