She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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