I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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