There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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