she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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