Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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