I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
