Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
