I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
