so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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