why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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