Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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