i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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