4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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