Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
