I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Say something about gay babies.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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