Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize