i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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