also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
