I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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