Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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