Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
50% drunk capacity currently
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
