My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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