i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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