Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Green mimosas i think yes
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
