She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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