I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
