How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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