OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
