There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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