where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Text me some of your sweat
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
