The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
