i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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