Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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