I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
