Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
