apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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