you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
