Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
