one might say we're banned from that church
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
