I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
