I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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