I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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