I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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