Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
