Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
