True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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