She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
