bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
